The school board will be voting on Monday at 7p.m. to determine whether or not to let him grow it out for the Locks of Love group after being denied permission by principal Tonya King.
“I hope the board approves my request.” Stack said. “Donating my hair to Locks of Love is special to me. I was disappointed when principal King turned my request down. Mrs. King said I should have a fundraiser instead, but it takes time and dedication to grow your hair and donate it. I hope the school board understands.”
To donate, Stack’s has to grow his hair 10 inches. Since it’s against the dress code for guys to have long hair in school and Mrs. King denied his request, he wrote a letter to the school board to decide if Stack can grow his hair.
Locks of Love wrote a letter to the school board saying Stack applied to be a donor and he had his parents permission as well. Locks of Love needs the donations to help out more families.
“I was moved by Jim’s passion to donate his hair.” Gisel Rico, president of Locks of Love group said. “We need human hair for our wigs. We have to turn down 150 out of 200 request of wigs for families each month.”
Mrs. King is supportive of Stack but doesn’t want to bend the rules for one person.
“Had I approved Jim’s request, then I would have students every day asking if they also could break the dress code.” Mrs. King said. “ He could have a fundraiser and donate to the organization. I would be more than willing to help with the fundraiser.”
The school board will discuss the issue on Monday at 7p.m. Bill Valdez has known the family for 20 years and was relieved when Stack’s sister was cleared of cancer.
“We will discuss it at the board meeting next week.” Valdez said. “I will say the letter had good points. I’ve known the family for about 20 years. They go to my church.”
Gilbert Castillo, student council president, doesn’t see the big deal in Stack growing his hair out.
“He told me he felt hopeless throughout the whole ordeal with his sister.” Castillo said. “I don’t see the big deal to grow his hair out. Girls have long hair, and no one else is distracted. Rules were made to be broken, and this is a very good reason to break one.”
Holly Stack, Stack’s mother is proud and supportive of Stack. It means a lot to her and the whole family.
“He is a very giving young man.” Stack’s mom said. “ I don’t know how many teenagers today would put so much time and effort in helping someone else. The wig made all the difference in the world to Jasmine, our daughter. Two months ago, Jasmine got a clean bill of health.”
You had nice words.
You had nice sentences.
You had nice paragraphs.
Do better.
Do right.
Have more swag.
Good Things
1) You have good quotes
2) You have good transitions
3) Good job using attribution rules
Bad Things
1) Your lead doesn’t make much sense
2) Some of your transitions had opinions
3) Some grammar errors
Good selection of quotes.
Nice transitions.
Good flow.
Have more swag.
Do right.
Don’t be so perfect all the time.
VOting on junior Jim Stack’s request to grow his hair the school board will be voting on Monday at 7p.m. to determine whether or not to let him grow it out for the Locks of Love group after being denied permission by principal Tonya King. YOU MAY START AT “THE SCHOOL BOARD.”
“I hope the board approves my request.” Stack said. “Donating my hair to Locks of Love is special to me. I was disappointed when principal King turned my request down. Mrs. King said I should have a fundraiser instead, but it takes time and dedication to grow your hair and donate it. I hope the school board understands.”
GOOD JOB ON ATTRIBUTION.
To donate, Stack’s has to grow his hair 10 inches. Since it’s against the dress code for guys to have long hair in school and Mrs. King denying his request, he wrote a letter to the school board to decide if Stack can grow his hair. NEEDS TO BE DENIED NOT DENYING.
YOU NEED A QUOTE HERE.
Locks of Love wrote a letter to the school board saying Stack applied to be a donor and he had his parents permission as well. Locks of Love needs the donations to help out more families.
“I was moved by Jim’s passion to donate his hair.” Gisel Rico, president of Locks of Love group said. “We need human hair for our wigs. We have to turn down 150 out of 200 request of wigs for families each month.”
Mrs. King is supportive of Stack but doesn’t want to bend the rules for one person. “Had I approved Jim’s request, then I would have students every day asking if they also could break the dress code.” Mrs. King said. “ He could have a fundraiser and donate to the organization. I would be more than willing to help with the fundraiser.” HERE YOU MESSED UP THE FORMAT. EACH TRANSITION AND EACH QUOTE NEEDS TO BE ITS OWN PARAGRAPH. YOU DON’T HAVE TO SAY MRS. JUST USE LAST NAME.
The school board will discuss the issue on Monday at 7p.m. Bill Valdez has known the family for 20 years and was relieved when Stack’s sister was cleared of cancer MISSING A PERIOD HERE.
“We will discuss it at the board meeting next week.” Valdez said. “I will say the letter had good points. I’ve known the family for about 20 years. They go to my church.”
Gilbert Castillo, student council president, doesn’t see the big deal in Stack growing his hair out. NEED TO HAVE INFO ABOUT THE STUCO LETTER HERE INSTEAD OF THIS TRANSITION. THIS IS WEAK.
“He told me he felt hopeless throughout the whole ordeal with his sister.” Castillo said. “I don’t see the big deal to grow his hair out. Girls have long hair, and no one else is distracted. Rules were made to be broken, and this is a very good reason to break one.”
Holly Stack, Stack’s mother is proud and supportive of Stack. It means a lot to her and the whole family. THIS IS WEAK AS WELL REWRITE WITH BETTER FACTS.
“He is a very giving young man.” Stack’s mom said. “ I don’t know how many teenagers today would put so much time and effort in helping someone else. The wig made all the difference in the world to Jasmine, our daughter. Two months ago, Jasmine got a clean bill of health.”
GOOD JOB ON YOUR FIRST ATTEMPT. YOU ARE ON THE RIGHT TRACK.